


the moon and all of the universe

by k_l



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mentioned Kim Samuel | Punch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:32:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22007056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/k_l/pseuds/k_l
Summary: It was when the parallels were in disbelief that an intersection would be caused by someone with so pure intentions. The Moon had to hear them, he had to save Soonyoung.
Collections: Gifteen 2019





	1. intro

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jenomeow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenomeow/gifts).

In the busy outskirts of the city where people are not seen merrymaking, where lanterns no longer shone brighter than the stars in the skies of Seoul, the huffing sound of his breathing was all he could hear echoing as he tried to find a place to hide in.

Soonyoung’s cold fingers ran through the rough walls of only God knows which alleyway he was in. The exhaustion was trying to stop him from running away and he was wishing that there was another way out, instead of him trying to pull ounces of energy from an unknown source of adrenaline. There was a neighbourhood nearby, but he could only clutch his chest and try to not make a sound that would make him known from the person he was running away from. He knew well that this day would come, although not this early.

As he desperately looked for a safe refuge, or at least, somewhere to escape, he wondered what in his damned life made him want to run away from death. He knew that there was already no hope in saving his reputation anymore, nor his relationships with the people around him ever since his family disowned him as a son. It was hurting him that he had to reminisce his life decisions while he was running away from physical danger all in one go, amazed at how alert his senses were despite how his head was being the mess it was.

His life was not this bad and, he wondered what he had done wrong, what made it go downhill like this.

“Kwon Soonyoung.” He heard the echo.

It was not even someone yelling; _he_ only spoke, an indication that he was getting near already. At that point, Soonyoung had no idea which way he was running into, turn every turn was what he took as his pathway. He only knew that his fight-and-flight senses were real and were saying the truth about this day being his doom. Until, he bumped himself onto a wall hard and, it caused bleeding on his upper eye.

_If he will not make it out alive tonight, he wished someone knew._

Soonyoung reached from his pocket as he hid at the corner of the dead-end street. Shaking, trembling badly, he fished for his phone in one of his pockets, opening the contacts in the speed of light. His mind was a scramble, overlapping lines that wishes the moon would lend him a ladder to save him from his doom. He eyed on the contacts, namely Junhwi and Myungho, but as fast as possible, he decided to dial a number aside from them, a number he memorised after several irrelevant calls and deleting the number.

_“Mingyu…” A rose withered and danced with grief. “Please. If you could help me…” were not the right words to say, until he collapsed. _

//

“Minghao was being ridiculous,” Soonyoung said calmly as he ate in front of Minghao himself, Mingyu and Wonwoo. “He was telling me to change the choreography and, yes, okay, as the leader, I tried to compensate and at least include the first part of the moves he suggested for us to put.”

Minghao was eyeing at him and was keeping his mouth shut. The anger he felt towards what Soonyoung had just laid down boiled inside but, a part of him could not care anymore since the topic should have been ceased a while ago, if it was not for Mingyu who asked if something was wrong.

Wonwoo was only there to tag along with them since who could not say no to a free dinner at a local Korean barbecue restaurant, but after few moments of Minghao and Soonyoung bickering, he somehow felt regret coming along with them. Most of the time, he was calm about it, but when Soonyoung started to rant and did not shut up while he was chewing, he could see that even Mingyu was hovering over the edge of patience.

“It was not even that, you know?” Soonyoung added. “I just wanted respect and I needed him to understand that if I incorporated the whole set of dance moves that he was telling to include in the choreography, the formation that was thoroughly thought by Youngjoon and I will be compromised.”

“I just wanted the choreography to be simple on that part,” Minghao replied as he drank water. “Chan agreed with me that it was too explosive for a choreography. Please consider that we’re going to dance this on concerts as well.”

Soonyoung, appearing to what seems to be a calm state, made it obvious that he was, indeed, not calm. He stopped chewing on his food and drank water, frowned at Minghao and at himself because as much as he wanted to finish the quarrel, it only sparked opinions in him that he could not contain.

“Yo Myungho, what do you want to happen here?” He asked. “I talked to Jeonghan about it and he said it was fine.”

Mingyu who was watching them both, especially Soonyoung’s words, was losing it on them and let his anger bark. He interrupted, “You know what, Soon? It isn’t about that. This is about you changing the choreography without Myungho knowing, and don’t you think that it was a bit unfair?”

Wonwoo was observing the three carefully. Although he knows that at the end of the day, after midnight, it was all going to cool down and they will be back to their sweet antics, he cannot help but look and revel on the way that they would reconcile. There was always a genuine concern rolling in the group, always the imperfect love that they are sharing with each other, and this was what fascinated him to be a part of it. Even if it was purely interesting, rather than amusing, to watch with curiosity and in quiet delight, he had come to accept that this was an exercise of their friendship.

Soonyoung, being the window that he is, had softened his facial expression and brought his shoulder down. He also looked away with a tint of pink on the top of his ears, speaking, “I’m sorry.”

His basis of saying sorry were based on the speculations that Youngjoon might have forgotten to tell Minghao about the choreography being changed, and that it was useless to bicker about this. He also did not want to ruin everyone’s appetite since he was the one treating the four of them, including himself. He knew he did not need to justify himself anymore since Minghao is a forgiving person once you admit you had a mistake, but he wished Minghao knew that he made that decision because he felt like it would make the choreography look empty on that part and, it may dislocate his shoulder on stage again.

Minghao nodded, walked over Soonyoung’s side and hugged him. He said, “I’m sorry as well, for shouting at you a while ago. I know I rarely shout, and it must have confused you deeply when I randomly did it at you, so I’m really sorry. I hope that you know I only did that because I was so upset.”

Soonyoung turned his head and looked at the latter’s eyes, he smiled with his cheeks high and patted his arm. “Bro, you know I couldn’t stay mad at you, right?”

Someone clapped his heart out and it was Mingyu. People were not bothered to look at them, thinking that they were probably drunk and, Wonwoo just made their thoughts more legitimate when he got up to only sit down quickly.

“Why did you do that?” Mingyu asked.

Out of nowhere, while the wildest things happened after there was peace between the friends who were fighting just a moment ago, Soonyoung’s phone rang loudly. He excused himself from the group and went out of the restaurant. After making sure that he was at the side of the restaurant, where there was a mysterious alleyway, he dared not look at the phone number and answered the call.

“Hello?” He asked and got no answer.


	2. minghao and jun

The Moon will always listen, whether night time or daytime. No matter what the cries are, no matter what the pleas are. It refuses some requests, sometimes it challenges patience and willpower. It defies all the alternate universes and all the possible dimensions to send down mercy and utmost care.

Minghao definitely believed in that when he saw Mingyu carrying Soonyoung. Soonyoung’s head was in bandages, he must have been sent to the hospital again after falling to the ground from being too drunk. Minghao was becoming accustomed to it but, he cannot help pitying his best friend who only lived off from working his ass off from a 9 to 5 job and by living in the basement of their house.

Soonyoung looked like a total wreck _and he is_, something you could read off from Minghao’s face if you were Mingyu. It was indeed an early morning call for someone to knock on someone’s house, but if there was someone who was more dishevelled and miserable-looking, it should be Mingyu who stayed up all night because he was worried for Soonyoung’s condition, not Minghao who looked at Soonyoung like he was a charity case and _something_ that everyone would have trouble taking care of.

“He’s fine,” Mingyu said. “He called me again, so I came here. That’s all.”

“Oh!” Minghao flinched, looking at the towering figure of the man in front of him. “Um, thanks for always doing this for Soonyoung, Mingyu.” His voice was quivering, head turning wherever, clearly wanting to end the conversation immediately.

“It’s fine,” Mingyu’s voice was monotonous as if he was trying to conceal every emotion. “He deserves that anyways. Thanks for staying as his friend. Say hi to Jun for me.”

While they were talking, Soonyoung dreamt of the universe collapsing, galaxies exploding into colours, but somehow, he felt comfortable on watching that; watching everything fall into chaos and wonderful kaleidoscope of nothingness.

His last memory was Mingyu and Wonwoo laughing at Minghao for being tipsy with just two bottles of soju that he bravely drank simultaneously. Like the universes, it broke him in that instant, what if their friendship fell like that and the blame was all on him? He somehow felt that it was true, his breaking heart was real and that he needs to reconnect them with each other. The galaxies then revolved around him, a voice confirming that whatever he was feeling were the truths he needed to face, “You need to meet them and stitch them altogether.”

He was crying when he opened his eyes, thinking that it was all a dream and that everything was still intact once he wakes up. Minghao was watching him intently as he fluttered his eyes open, scratching them as he felt the pang on his head. He thought that it might only be because he had too much to drink last night.

“Myungho,” Soonyoung said. “Where are we?”

“Have you lost your mind?” Minghao asked him in a raising voice, ready to reprimand him anytime. It was a younger voice, something that Soonyoung will always engrave in his mind because of how pitchy it sounded when speaking in Korean.

Soonyoung adjusted his eyes on Minghao who stood up in a smaller figure than he was yesterday. It felt like he went back in time, or maybe he did, maybe he was still dreaming, reminiscing of how they were when they were still younger. His mind was doing 360-degree flips on him and slowly but surely, the sadness in his chest became real, overwhelming, the last memories, last traumatic experiences, all flashing in his mind like they were fresh memories. He would like to believe that his brain was playing tricks on him and maybe, the memories of feeling incredibly scared of Wonwoo and him running for his life away from his best friend were false.

He cried more as he put himself in a foetal position while sitting, he somehow wanted to escape everything. “What’s happening, Myungho? Why am I this sad?” He asked, innocently and willing to hold unto anything.

“First, you drink so hard, and now, you act like you have forgotten everything? Are you Jeonghan?” Minghao asked, frowning on Soonyoung whose face was miserable, something he was used of seeing.

Before Soonyoung could even breathe as an answer, someone rings the doorbell. Minghao excused himself to get it and, that was the moment that Soonyoung had the moment to observe where he was. He knew, and he was wondering how he was so sure about it, that it was where he was living. Despite of the place looking presentable and somehow small, a part of it looked like a storage for old and vintage things; some hung out and it looked like a throwback photo of Minghao and his family.

When he stood up to take a closer look, a young-looking Jun ran down towards him and hugged him immediately. Albeit his confusion, he cried when he hugged Jun back. His presence felt comforting, and somehow, unlike the memory of Wonwoo, his memories of Jun were nicer.

“Why are you crying, you tiger?” Jun asked, cupping his face. His eyes were examining Soonyoung and his injury, looking genuinely concerned of what happened to his best friend. “You were always strong and not crying, unless you’re not the Soonyoung we know.”

“What do you mean by Soonyoung that you know?” Soonyoung asked in a speed of lightning, not stuttering or faltering even if he was stopping his tears from falling down.

Minghao only looked at Jun and, Jun did the same. Although oblivious of what happened, “Soonyoung, you have a job.” Jun said. “You work part-time to sustain your own needs because you live alone.

Jun had to stop there when he saw Soonyoung’s facial expression. The latter was internalising what was happening to him, concluding that it must be something about time and space colliding. Something magical, like time travel, universes trying to eliminate what was disturbing both timelines. He felt like somehow there was an intersection made because both universes simply did not agree on being parallel; something must have disturbed the way of nature and it was Soonyoung. Therefore, everything was his fault, including the parting ways of the other Soonyoung’s friends in this universe. He was a possible candidate of the natural disturbance that drove his fate to be like this; the evidence was, everything revolved around him.

It felt alone, it felt like Minghao and Jun were only there because of pity. He wished he was ignorant, pure of the emotions that he was feeling; he felt regret, anger, _rage_.

“I want to bring you _back_,” Soonyoung spoke with voice. “I want to reel you in, Myungho. I want to know why, Junhwi.” With that, he cried with all his might.

“Your pity is not what I need.” Soonyoung added as he cried, affecting Minghao emotionally. Jun was trying to comfort him by stroking his back. He was thinking that it must have been a tough night for Soonyoung, might have gotten picked on at work again.

“I know you hate me and I’m not sure why. I feel your resentment down to my nerves and, it’s getting too much for me to handle.” Soonyoung said. “I can’t handle this alone and I’m so confused why I’m feeling this. Why do you blame me?”

“Soonyoung!” Minghao shouted which made Jun flinch while Soonyoung was beginning to be out of it. “We had this conversation already. I told you that I don’t hate you but, it also means that I don’t blame you. The friend circle that we had with _everyone _was everything that I needed when I felt alone in this country. Now, I just have a freeloader friend and Jun who’s being bullied for nothing but being nice to you.”

Jun cried immediately after Minghao said that. Following his sobs with, “I’m so sorry, Soonyoung.” He said. “I’m so sorry for you being who you are. Everything just went down quickly, and you dragged us with you.”

While their hearts were being laid open, Soonyoung was sitting there, stopping himself from crying and trying to compose his thoughts. There was a script in him that awaits to be said, something between apologies and sobbing more, but he refused to say them. He felt like he was in a frozen state, but managed to speak unconsciously, “I will fight them. Did you think I can’t? That was what I promised to do.”

He looked at Minghao and Jun whose faces looked like the world stopped for them. Minghao wanted to laugh but it was the first time that he felt like Soonyoung was ready to step up not only for himself, but also for someone else. He was always prideful before his confidence deteriorated, always been the one to always comfort and save others from falling before the world took its baton and decided to hit Soonyoung’s whole being with it.

“Don’t you think I collected rings for nothing?” Soonyoung spoke, and as his best friend, Jun knew that it was real that he had a ring collection.

_There were things that this universe’s Soonyoung had in common with our Soonyoung._

“Prove it.” Minghao spoke.

With those words, there were numbers 1 and 2 engraved on Soonyoung’s neck, like a starting point of a choker.


	3. seungkwan and seokmin

Trust is like a choker when you receive the responsibility behind it. It can also be something that will make you sane since it is a part of the accountability that you have, something that you know in yourself would be related with your dignity and relationships with people someday. It can be met by being kind to others, or for more desperate situations, by promises.

It felt surreal when Soonyoung punched someone from their school who laughed at Jun and insulted his nationality since he was not from Korea but, here he is, trying to endure his senior years in the country he did not even grow up in. Jun would tell everyone that he always loved living in Korea but, he can still be proud of the beauty of his hometown, which were the most genuine words Soonyoung could have heard and he could only thank Jun for his beautiful soul.

“Say that again, punk!” Soonyoung shouted. They were not even at the premises of the school yet, rather, he was walking to a store with Jun to buy new bandages for his head.

_Damn, those rings were really useful._ Jun thought.

It was not really in Soonyoung’s nature to fight others with violence but, if it hits them hard, then he will hit them hard as well. He did not suffer from all the bruises he got from Jihoon because of sparring sessions to make his boxing knowledge useless. Well, it could be used for self-defence, but what was wrong if it was used for safeguarding someone’s emotional wellbeing? Surely mother nature will give him this one, right? If she retained the strength in him although not the body, Soonyoung was assured that he still carried her good karma.

Soonyoung was punched back on the face after the guy got up from the ground, but after punching the other guy on the face again, a tooth went to the ground and the latter ran away from the pair of friends. Minghao was watching from behind them and snuck in between them while walking.

“Yo Myungho, you startled me!” Soonyoung said, Jun laughing.

Minghao greeted them a good morning and told something about the breakfast, how Soonyoung basically skipped it to choose what rings to wear this morning. Then, he said, “You know Soon, you used to be like that guy you punched. After being punched, you run.”

“Do I really?” Soonyoung said and laughed. “Then, expect nothing of that on me anymore. I mean it, I’ll be ready to face it. Mainly because I know you got my back.”

It felt like the world somehow was a better place for Soonyoung, something about his connection with Jun and Minghao felt like it was not about him alone; instead, it was about the three of them, connecting bonds and just being together. It felt safe, it felt like he could stay there forever, but it felt incomplete because he knew deep inside that they were supposed to be thirteen there.

_Someday it will happen, Soonyoung. Someday._ He said to himself.

As the three of them strolled to their school and through the hallways of the school, in their joyous aura which everyone got taken aback, there were Seungkwan and Seokmin glaring at them. Soonyoung felt this on the back of his head, but when he turned his eyes on the both of them, they were smiling and were waving nicely. Soonyoung turned his body to them; Minghao tried to grab him by his collar to bring him back but, Soonyoung already jogged towards the other pair.

“Seungkwan! Seokmin!” Soonyoung said, spreading his arms, high of the happiness due to the fact that he got two of his friends back. He knows he should be confident on this, and it was only right to act this confident, even though deep inside, he knows that it will be hard to bring back both of Seungkwan and Seokmin.

Soonyoung knows Seungkwan, especially how he acted when he was younger and only pranced around as if the world was his stage; the young Seungkwan is a man of his words, even when it comes to hating someone. He holds his principles close to him and the things he believed was true, he rarely admits he was wrong but when he does, no one knows, except those who observe, except for Soonyoung. People like him would do great influence, and it was Seokmin that he influenced deeply, one of the reasons why Seokmin would also pour his hatred all on Soonyoung.

Seungkwan sighed loudly and clearly, rolling his eyes. “Hey, Soonyoung.”

Seokmin was already sneering at him with disgust and Soonyoung wanted to ignore that. He did not want to wonder, he knew it would be unbearable. Seokmin was nothing but pure, Soonyoung will bet his whole life to save Seokmin from being corrupted if he needs to do that. He just knows that he should be trusting Seokmin, and it hurt him to be aware that the connection like that between the two of them was disconnected. He needs fix that today, the universe grumbled.

“Nice outfit.” Seungkwan said and scoffed. He walked away and from where they were and proceeded to their classroom. His minion-like classmates were watching him and snickers with Seungkwan.

The day went easy, not for Soonyoung though. He had Jun constantly reminding him that he needed to go to his job later and Minghao telling him that he needs to change his bandages at the clinic so he what he actually bought was a spare.

“How did you even manage to wrap the wound by yourself?” Minghao asked.

“You know, Myungho, if you become used to watching people putting bandages on you, you kind of get the hang of it.” Soonyoung said. “I’m a good observer.”

“Just go check with the nurse if it’s alright.” Jun said, almost hitting Soonyoung by the nape.

Soonyoung also had to deal with people who would call Minghao or Jun from afar to insult them, throwing kindergarten jokes like it was gay to be that close with Soonyoung or it was ugly seeing them all three. He sometimes minded, telling them to shut up in close proximity, but at most times, when Jun or Minghao would not even budge, Soonyoung will only reassure them both that they are not the people that they were shouted as. He would do it slightly loud, so people would hear.

“Let them hear.” Soonyoung said.

“I missed this,” Jun would reply. “I missed the boisterous Soonyoung, the one who taught me how it was to be actually strong. No homo though.”

“That Soonyoung must have cried so much in his life.” Soonyoung said as he looked at nowhere.

“He actually did.” Minghao said. “He cried when he was drunk, he cried everywhere but he would stand tomorrow. I was actually happy that you cried yesterday because I was beginning to worry since you haven’t done that for months.”

“It felt like, you were just standing, but you don’t know where to go anymore despite Jun and I being there for you. We didn’t know how to bring back the Soonyoung we knew.”

Soonyoung replied, “Those months, maybe I have left you clueless, maybe I blamed it all on myself until the world blamed me as well. It was wrong, but I still did it because maybe, _just maybe_, I wanted to save you from a bad part of yourselves.”

“Bad part, like what?” Jun asked. “Like, not accepting you?”

“Maybe,” Soonyoung said. “Or, maybe, I felt like you wouldn’t accept a part of my happiness; a selfish bliss that could have been handled if you, somehow, supported me.”

Minghao and Jun were silent after that, but both of them knew that they supported Soonyoung as much as they could. Maybe the latter was right, he did save the two in some way from a bad part of themselves, and everything that they did for Soonyoung was to save face, to save their reputation.

“Any quantity of support helped me, you know?” Soonyoung spoke to break the silence. “But, say if I was in danger, like some guy showed up threatening to harm me or else he would harm you, would try to invade the space that Myungho gave me in his house or, maybe stop the emotional support you gave me, Jun, would you give it up to point fingers at me?”

“It’s heavy when you think of it, but for me, I will not hesitate to open my mouth and say you weren’t there if it was one of the both of you. You would think it’s because I have nothing to lose but, I would lose the opportunity to live a normal life, wouldn’t you think? I would lose the life of having proper conscience because I genuinely thought of you as my friends.”

Minghao agreed, adding, “Maybe it’s also the fact that from the beginning, I was willing to do all of that, but in the long run, you felt like you didn’t deserve it so that’s why I felt that way as well. See, sometimes, if you kept on pushing away someone, they will push you away too.”

“Wait,” Jun spoke, butting himself in the conversation. “That happened inside the same place you’re both living in?”

Minghao nodded as a response.

“That must be so sad.” Jun added. “I mean, now, I’m just happy that I could say I’m confident of being _publicly_ happy with two of my closest friends, you know? Soonyoung, Minghao and I; who would’ve thought?”

There was a moment of silence before Soonyoung heard and processed something that Jun just said. So, when the idea sparked in his mind, he quickly asked, “You said we didn’t do this publicly?”

“Yeah,” Jun answered. “Since Seungkwan was watching, plus it was an embarrassment for us, kind of? Maybe it was because, yeah, you first repeatedly said you weren’t comfortable with everyone seeing.”

Truths were unveiling that moment, including a classroom officer yelling the announcement of the names of the students who were supposed to clean the classroom that day. It includes the names of Seungkwan, Soonyoung and Seokmin, plus an apology for the three since there were two other students but, one was unavailable due to a varsity training session and one was absent.

“Great.” Seungkwan huffed as other students packed their things to go home.

Jun and Minghao bid farewell to Soonyoung and the latter told them to stay safe. He gave them a pepper spray that he found in his school bag when sorting it out a while ago. He said they need to keep it, just in case anyone physically attacked them; it was Monday, so maybe they could use some to defend themselves from the day itself, since Mondays naturally suck.

After laughing it off and sharing some friendly hugs, the farewells became physical as Minghao and Jun left the classroom. Soonyoung then faced Seungkwan and Seokmin who evidently wore fake smiles.

It felt like a childish game to play but, if his guts were correct on universes being a parallel, they should be the same Seungkwan and Seokmin when upset, so he had to play it safe.

_I can do this._ He reassures himself. _I’ll stitch us together._

“Seungkwan, how have you been?” Soonyoung asked, trying to be courteous.

His task was to clean the blackboard and Seungkwan was asked to sweep the floor. Jun was asked to dust the shelves. The room was starting to feel suffocating when no one of them would answer Soonyoung’s questions, completely ignoring him. Soonyoung would begin to ask stupid questions like if they remember playing video games and arcades, trying to ask them about a memory that he had with the members from the other universe. No one really budges to answer him, but he knew, he just knew, that Seungkwan was trying to listen to nuisance.

Seungkwan was still quiet until Soonyoung asked about Jeju, about how he enjoyed eating tangerines from his place, how his mother cooked so good that he missed it. Seungkwan knew it was for him to speak, so he spoke.

“That’s enough, Kwon Soonyoung.” Seungkwan said. “What’s your business with my mom?”

“What?” Soonyoung replied. “I asked you a while ago, didn’t I? How have you been doing? But you left me hanging so I just thought, what if I told you how I felt how you’re doing now?”

Seungkwan scoffed, pissed off like he was ready to hit Soonyoung. “Why do you care?” He asked. “I thought you stopped caring a long time ago.”

“Me? I stopped caring?” Soonyoung asked. “When?”

“Are you really asking me that question?” Seungkwan asked, feeling all sorts of emotions, including betrayal; a revisited wound. “The moment you ignored us, the moment you ignored me.”

Soonyoung was silent, feeling all the emotions riling up in his mind, his heart, sharing the memories with the other Soonyoung from this universe. How messed up it was, really. He felt the pain, the pang in his chest again like yesterday. Seungkwan felt so close, _very_ close to his heart. He felt like an old song abandoned in the dark and it felt like Soonyoung emotionally left him; he was undone, betrayed with new lyrics, like he was blamed for the loneliness of the upcoming new melody that was not meant for him but for the composer alone.

“You completely ignored me, Soonyoung!” Seungkwan shouted, making Seokmin stop what he was doing, ready to back the former’s back.

Seungkwan then added, “I tried to reach out, offered you help that I will help you gain your reputation up. I was desperate, defending you from all those ugly words they were throwing at you. I was willing to be a shield for you.”

Soonyoung, at that point, was holding back his tears. Although he was close to breaking, he knew that it would only throw Seungkwan off. Someone needs to appear strong for him, even if it means that his enemy should not cry or show any sign of vulnerability, or emotions at all. He knew how young Seungkwan was easy to break because of the things he had to face every day; the longing for his family, the constant bringing down of his friends from Jeju because they felt like he was on some kind of high horse since he went to Seoul for senior years, some teachers even openly mocked him for his ‘weird’ appearance because he was from a province.

“But one time, Soonyoung, one time!” Seungkwan continued. “One time I tried to contact you because Seokmin was sick, one time I told you that I badly needed you, but what were you doing that night?”

Seokmin was there, reminiscing the memory, trying to pick his heart up piece by piece. It was not a bad situation for him but, for Seungkwan, it was. It was a painful situation to see single-handedly; he cannot quite describe it but, it felt like it was the moment that the nature made Seungkwan choose immediately if it was his reputation or Soonyoung’s.

Seungkwan, at that time, was grasping for hope to see the willingness in Soonyoung on trying to save their friendship, to just try and maybe answer his damn phone that night. He was continuously backing Soonyoung up, telling other people good stuff of what the latter did, including telling everyone that Soonyoung contributed to the school’s sports team since he was included in the volleyball team with him. He held pride, as well as grudge; grudge on whatever shit Soonyoung was bringing in his own life. A rumour about Soonyoung was spreading at that moment and Seungkwan’s reputation can only do less at that point or else he would be affected.

“You were drinking your heart out that night!” Seungkwan yelled at the top of his lungs. “Disgusting. Minghao had the guts to try and cover it up, saying that it was a little, but you had to disappear for a whole week after that.”

“Don’t you think I needed you that night as well?” Soonyoung asked.

Seungkwan laughed, “Oh wow! He can speak, nice, that’s very nice.”

“I’m so sorry for whatever I caused, I really am.” Soonyoung replied, trying to conceal how small he was feeling.

Seokmin was at the brink of saying something but, he chose to remain silent; he never really hated Soonyoung, he only hated the fact that their friendship circle got diminished because of what the latter brought to their group, his issues went in like a hurricane. They were supposed to be holding hands, in this together, but it felt like Soonyoung did his best to push everyone away, including Seungkwan who often depended on Soonyoung for a boost.

“I’m sorry for pushing you all away, I don’t want to say that I want you back in my life right now or for you to forgive me this instant, because I know that isn’t easy,” Soonyoung would continue with a shaking voice. “So, for the sake of seeing each other every day, I want to get something clear, have you ever tried to push me into telling you about my side? Or, did you just conclude what my situation was all about and left me there?”

He paused for a moment, waiting for Seungkwan to answer but the latter kept silent.

“Seokmin, when was the last time you saw me before that happened?” Soonyoung asked; a question that was not supposed to be the one he will ask but, it felt timely.

“Leaving the principal’s office,” Seokmin replied, trying to not feel the tension in the atmosphere that made him feel sadder than usual. “With your parents and they looked disappointed, maybe it was because of the rumours that went around about you. They were only concerned, and I thought they were really good parents.”

Soonyoung tried so hard not to cry but, he had to make sure one more thing. “When you were sick, how sick were you? Was it the flu, or a symptom for something worse?”

Seokmin thought that it was not in his place to answer because Seungkwan had told the story for a million times to everyone to completely destroy Soonyoung’s image. He often brainwashed them into thinking that Soonyoung was the worst friend he had because he was not there when Seokmin experienced a terrible fever, like convulsion type of a fever, when it was not that bad.

For some reason, something drove Seokmin to say and believe Soonyoung deserved the truth, “I can’t breathe at that time, it was a severe asthma attack. But I had a breather with me, a Nebulizer, and my mom was home so she could treat me. When Seungkwan was there, he tried to force you into coming because he was testing you as a friend.”

“Seungkwan,” A shaking Soonyoung muttered. He removed his face mask and his gloves, lips pursed in so are his emotions. “Why did you not trust me at that time? Were you really on the edge?”

Seungkwan thought that Soonyoung was angry so, he went on a full defence mode.

“You were suspended for two weeks at that time and I had to protect you from getting dragged because of a rumour; I was burnt out.” He said. “And you know what? I’m not having this conversation again.”

Soonyoung rushed and held Seungkwan tightly on the wrist, the latter would resist but Soonyoung made sure that it was tight enough. Seokmin was wondering why he felt frozen at that time, mixed emotions running in his mind. He did not even bother to stop the two, or Soonyoung from hurting Seungkwan by his grip.

“I won’t let you go this time, Seungkwan.” Soonyoung boldly said. “Was your trust that short-lived? Besides, that was a rumour, two weeks and people will forget what even happened if you didn’t put coal on fire.”

“I was preventing it from spreading because it might become your truth!” Seungkwan shouted.

“You prevented me from speaking my own voice, Seungkwan!” Soonyoung shouted back, heavily breathing. “Be it my truth or not, it was not your place to tell other people what you perceive as my truth.”

“Either real or false, after those two weeks, do you think anything will change? Do you think they will approach me for the answer? Because I personally think that they will approach you instead of me since you’re the one who got them hooked anyways. Wow, thanks Seungkwan, you saved me from trying to speak for myself _plus _you made me famous.”

“Your intentions were good, and I thank you for that, but you could’ve asked me what was wrong first. I don’t even remember what happened in the principal’s office but, people won’t care about me if you won’t tell them to do so; even the closest ones won’t care unless I spoke for myself.”

Seokmin teared up, mainly because of the points that Soonyoung made.

It was the truth that he wanted to be verbalised for a long time because he felt like there was something wrong tagging along with Seungkwan. He wanted to apologise to Soonyoung but, there was something stopping him from doing it; maybe it was the slow realisation that they all had mistakes to share, and there was a sudden relief that they were a part of something, a thing that connected them—a reason to be humane and not to feel superior than the other.

“Just one more,” A calmed down Soonyoung gently said, and he was still the only one who had the strength to speak. “Do I have parents here? Why am I living in Myungho’s basement? Where are they?”

His grip on Seungkwan’s wrist softened and the latter did not bother to run away from it anymore, he completely broke down in front of Soonyoung and Seokmin. His tears were falling, and he felt like he could not stop it. The innocence that Soonyoung’s voice presented when he asked where his parents were crashed his heart into million pieces, his chest being suffocated by a kind of smoke he cannot filter.

_So, the rumours were true. _He thought and cried his heart out. “Your parents disowned you the night I called you.” He verbally said, trying to clutch on anything; beliefs, dignity, principles, but there was none in sight.

Soonyoung felt the emptiness, the pang in his chest, the strong sense of justice for himself. He was still confused but, he still wonders what he did wrong to receive and deserve all of these. He cannot believe that there would be somewhere that his family did not love him, the only source of hope he treated in his original universe.

A teacher arrived at the scene as Seungkwan and Seokmin were crying, Seokmin hugging Soonyoung who appeared dumbfounded. The scene looked like the three of them shared something devastating and Soonyoung was the victim.

At that moment, the numbers 3 and 4 appeared on Soonyoung’s neck.

**Author's Note:**

> i tried my best to keep it as short as possible but there will be a part of this fic which will be longer than the others because i had fun with experimenting with the plot ^^


End file.
